Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships

The last year has deeply tested several relationships I’ve held close to my heart.

Prior to leaving my previous job, I had close bonds with people I would have called my best friends. They were my people—my primary reason for getting through the grueling workday.

But since stepping away, I’ve realized a tough truth: many of those relationships were rooted in shared trauma.

Our connections were built on fragile ground, stabilized only by the mutual hardships we faced every day. We grew closer alongside a toxic, unstable work environment, our bonds tightening even as the cracks in our mental well-being grew deeper.

Removing myself from that environment opened my eyes. It forced me to look at what I actually want my relationships to be built on, leading me to ponder a vital question: What do I need to be for others, and what do I need from them?

The “Open Book” Predicament

For a long time, I considered myself an open book. I would answer any question, offer up intimate details, and bring my full, unfiltered self to every interaction.

Ultimately, though, that level of unfiltered openness often landed me in uncomfortable predicaments. I was oversharing without realizing that not every relationship has earned the right to that level of intimacy.

That realization led me to a single, powerful question that has completely shaped how I interact with others and set healthy boundaries:

“What is my role within this relationship?”

Finding Intention in Connection

Asking myself this question forces me to be thoughtful and intentional. Before I dive into an interaction, I take a moment to consider the benefits and drawbacks of sharing certain pieces of my life or experience. I look at the context of the connection:

• Am I a coach working directly with an individual?
• Am I a safe, listening ear for someone who just had a rough day?
• Am I just one voice in a group chat where someone is casually asking for an opinion?

Ultimately, I have to ask myself: How am I connected to this specific person or scenario, and what level of access do they actually have to my life?

Boundaries Aren’t Cold; They’re Protective

At first glance, filtering myself this way felt cold. It seemed like a stark contrast to my naturally bubbly, warm personality.

But with deeper reflection and practice, I’ve found the exact opposite to be true. This single boundary has actually strengthened my relationships, protected my mental health, and increased my overall comfort when interacting with others.

Being an open, willing sharer is not a bad thing. It’s a wonderful personality trait… but it’s one I am learning to tame and use in the right context.

Moving onward and forward, I’m going to keep using this strategy to navigate my current relationships and to help rebuild old ones. Because knowing your role isn’t about closing yourself off; it’s about making sure your energy goes to the places where it can truly thrive.